Tag Archives: relationships

I do not like him!

14 Monday May 2018

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Not every personality in a congregation, home, school classroom, or in the work environment will be a perfect fit with another. There are times when personalities just don’t mesh. This is not a problem, but it can be a problem when two personalities not compatible with one another (from the perspective of one) is encouraged to think the best approach is to avoid the other without resolving the issue at hand.

Sometimes it goes like this: two people are together, but one of the two is not comfortable around the other. This dis-comfort does not have to have to be associated with anything sinful, it just may be the difference between personalities. The one who is not comfortable with the other then makes it a problem with the declarative expression, “I don’t like him!”

Wow! Is this because the “one not liked” teaches, preaches, talks, acts, and/or carries himself in some way the other does not like? Evidently. The “one not liked” has no clue, no understanding of what and why a wall of separation exists, put in place by the “one who does not like.” To avoid discomfort, the “one who does not like” finds reasons to, first, not resolve the matter (but maintains the wall of separation) and, second, in spite of denials, not carry oneself as a Christian and worship with the saints.

If one is a Christian, that is, if a follower of Christ, the virtues of character, honesty, generosity will surface to the top of awkward relationships and address the matter that has put a wall between the two by the “one who does not like.” What did the “one not liked” do to earn this response of the separating wall? The “one not liked” is then left on his own to figure out why he is not liked, only to learn no specifics are offered. When the “one not liked” seeks to resolve the issue with the “one who does not like,” the “one who does not like” modifies the declarative expression or just lies to protect herself.

No resolution.

“Is there a problem here?” you ask. This is a problem here and everywhere where saints gather. It’s a problem because of spiritual and moral weakness. The problem exists because at least one person does not want to do as the Lord expressly said:

All things therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, even so do ye also unto them: for this is the law and the prophets. Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby. For narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leadeth unto life, and few are they that find it (Matthew 7:12-14, ASV).

Pay attention to this exhortation, for one must have 1) a charitable spirit of doing to others as you want others to treat you, and if one desires 2) to enter the narrow gate one must do this, for 3) if the Lord’s approval is worth having, then walking the narrow path toward the narrow gate means one does that which is right because it is right; the Lord will accept nothing less. To do less than this is to put a wall of separation between two people; the “one who does not like” is the one putting the wall of separation up between two people called Christians, for at least one is not thinking, speaking and acting like a follower of Christ.

For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility (Eph. 2:14-16, ESV).

Paul’s point was in relation to the separation between Jew and Gentiles, but the point he made there has a principled application to all who put a wall of separation up between self and others. Jesus came to bring people together under His banner, under His way of thinking, for when we are left to ourselves walls of separation arise.

So, because I don’t like her, I will not be around much. The one who thinks this way can’t apply the words of the Holy Spirit, as Paul wrote one is to do: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:9-10, ESV). RT

The Value of Relationships

08 Thursday Mar 2018

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How do you view work?

“I view work as a necessary function of life that generates for me an income.”

“I view work as a pleasant experience in life that gets me out of the house and away from tension at home.”

“I view work not only as necessary, but something I enjoy because of how I feel at the end of the day – I contributed.”

Perhaps there are many other answers to the question “How do you view work?” Sometimes work is an escape. One can go to work and hide from matters at home or hide from struggles in the world that may be both at home and in other areas of life. There are many occasions when disappointment sets in and going to work allows the disappointment to be shelved to the corner of the mind where one is not quickly going to think about it. Sometimes work is a chore because the people one works with is less than they should be. It seems as if Pete always wants to control things, the manager is failing in her responsibilities, and cares only for the dollar, not the service rendered! Being productive is beneficial to not only the one working, but also in relation to the service rendered; thus, it is very important. Some guidance from Ecclesiastes can be of help to see this.

Think about work from the perspective of Ecclesiastes 4:8. Solomon reflected on the miseries of life from the perspective of “under the sun.” He concluded long before the famous words of chapter 12, life is meaningless without God. In the course his discussion on these things, he reflected on the man who works, but works all alone. He is 1) alone, without a partner, 2) has no family, 3) works incessantly, 4) is not satisfied with what he accomplished, 5) does not reflect on the purpose for what he does.

I watched a show called “Strange Inheritance” about a man who had a hobby that consumed him; he married in 1951 (I think), and by the time 1971 came around, he was divorced. There are far more complicating reasons for divorce than what the show could portray, but it left this impression – he was a man consumed by his hobby. That which he did conveyed to his wife he was more interested in his hobby than in her. Sometimes people tend to matters outside the family that are related to work, hobbies and/or recreation – all the while making major contributions to the family’s destruction.

The preacher in Ecclesiastes does not speak well of a person who is a workaholic, and the preacher (Solomon) speaks from much wisdom. Two things for which one needs reminding on matters like this. First, a workaholic is depriving his family of the love and attention promised when the wedding vows were made. This is a major contribution to the demise of the family, starting with the husband and wife. When such things occur, the contributor is thinking and standing opposed to the Lord, and it does not matter they would deny it—their life expresses what words refuse to convey. It is obvious to anyone this person thinks only about self and self’s interests. When Jesus taught His disciples about the sanctity of marriage, He said this: “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” The workaholic is guilty of exactly this!

Second, the solution is not in work, but in relationship. The relationship must first start with the Lord, and this is not simply a matter of “being baptized”! It’s a matter of daily walking with the Lord. Second, one’s relationship with the spouse must be nurtured. Third, building relationships with people actually makes one stronger in character. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and see what you think. Denney Petrillo said four things result in these relationships; there is more productivity in two working together than one, there is mutual care as the two works toward a single end, the warmth in the two can be practical (husband/wife) and emotional (as in emotional support), the safety of two or more is obvious in comparison with only one.

The pictures below speak volumes about relationships—both in the Lord’s family and one’s personal family. What are you doing to enhance both? RT

BEHIND BLUE EYES

01 Thursday Mar 2018

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I have always liked the song with the title “Behind Blue Eyes” by the rock group The Who. It is a song the singer, writer and just about anyone else can relate to in a special way. Not everything in the song relates, but the general tenor of the song connects with people very well, perhaps like the song by Keith Whitely, “I am no stranger to the Rain.”

Both musical tunes in different genres connect with the struggles people have regularly. No matter how vibrant a person a person appears on stage, on television, or in public in a different venue, the same struggles are present.

A young lady lost the “love of her life” because she made a choice and it did not include him. He moved on, but she struggled more than she realized when she saw him again. A young professional man is about to get married because “it’s the logical step” to a long relationship, and all the while the young lady does not feel loved, but only lonely. A powerful woman in the business world can’t seem to connect with a male because she is always afraid the male (now boyfriend) is interested in her because of her position.

Each one presents themselves in a façade sort of way, allowing others to think that behind those blue (any color) eyes, all is well, when things are not well at all.

Blue eyes crying in the rain!

When Solomon was standing in front of the people praying to the Lord, dedicating the newly built Temple in Jerusalem, he used a word any thoughtful person can relate to. “What prayer and supplication soever be made by any man, or by all thy people Israel, which shall know every man the plague of his own heart, and spread forth his hands toward this house” (1 Kings 8:38, KJV).

Did you notice it? The word is “plague.” When every person knows the plague of his own heart, when that person prays, in this case toward the Temple, Solomon appeals to the Lord to hear and heal. Other translations use words and terms like affliction, wound, heartfelt sorrow, pain, their troubles, but most (that I have) uses the word plague.

That word conveys to me in a most accurate way what the Lord wants me to understand. That which I have in my heart, that with which I continually contend with is a plague, a disease that if not addressed will kill me, and in this case, spiritually. When Solomon prayed, he prayed the Lord would hear and heal, but the one who prays must first heed.

Behind blue eyes that are crying in the rain – there is a solution, and the solution is not within self. The solution is the Lord. It always has been, and it will never be anything but Him. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). RT

Words, Defeat, Victory

10 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by in Communication, Relationship

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Communication is both a wonderful things and an occasion for much heartache. Jesus, the very logos (word) of God knew well how to communicate in all areas of life. There was never a time, in my view, wherein He did communicate exactly the Father’s will and in the perfect way demanded by the occasion. That does not mean, however, that His words were always understood as He intended them.

On one occasion, a woman from outside the area of Israel came appealing to Jesus for her daughter, asking Him to heal her. Jesus replied that it was proper for the children to get the food, not the little dogs (Mark 7:24-30). Those who read the New Testament might wonder if Jesus was ascribing to her some inferior status; many of the Jews did as they considered those outside Israel to be dogs (“Jews used the word for Gentiles who were considered to be ceremonially impure” p. 150, note in The Majority Text Greek New Testament Interlinear).

How easy it would have been for this woman on that particular occasion to take exception to Jesus because the implication of the words can’t be missed by any who hear them. It might be an easy response, but the woman appealing to Jesus took the words much differently. Rather than finding fault, she clearly understood the figurative significance of the words and “[s]he turned the word of seeming approach, house dogs, into a reason for optimism, thereby transforming and impending defeat into a brilliant victory” (Hendriksen, p. 299).

We can be defeated by the words of another, whether one intends to defeat us with those words or not; or we can take the words used and turn them into an opportunity to teach, bringing glory to the Lord. Taking advantage like this brings victory.

Unequally Yoked

19 Thursday Sep 2013

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In the bulletin last week we gave some attention to the fragrance of Christ and to distractions that result in a per-son’s life. We noticed that the life of the Christian is to be the fragrance of Christ, but distractions please the “god of this world.” Today, from the same letter Paul wrote to the Corin-thians, I would like to address the idea of being unequally yoked.

To be unequally yoked is to be tied to one who does not share the faith you have. There are two key words: “unequally” and “yoked.” To get a good sense of what is meant, consider the context. Paul addressed himself to the Corinthians with regard to those things he experienced in his own relationship with the Lord (2 Corinthians 6:1-10). Paul then makes an appeal to the Corinthians concerning why they have had difficulty accepting him (6:11-13). The reason for their difficulty was because of that to which they were tied (6:14-18). They were unequally yoked to things that dis-tracted them, putting a veil over their hearts.

The word “unequal” is a word that is clearly under-stood. A wife is equal to her husband in intellect and in work accomplishments, but if she considers herself inferior (unequal), her outlook and accomplishments are entirely different.

To be unequally yoked to something that distracts or  is oppressive is to be tied to that which destroys. The Christian has embraced the cause of Christ; to be unequally yoked to that which destroys is giving credence to that which is not equal to Christ, but which has an influence that destroys.

Paul, writing by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, said the Christians are to stop being yoked in this fashion. This is a most serious exhortation from God; to fail to heed what the Holy Spirit said in this regard is to fail to hear and obey God. RT